Expectations

 

I was confronted with expectations the last couple of weeks.  What I expected and what I received. 

I am just writing this for myself not sure if I will even post this blog.

I am reading the blog of a woman specifically aimed and woman living overseas and she planned an online retreat this past weekend. I only had 3 hours but decided this is a must for me.  I was hoping to have a whole day in Macedonia (my expectation) but I only had 3 hours in a friends house while they were out, because my children and husband was still in the flat we stayed.

During this time I was again confronted with expectations, and what I expect of my family and friends, but never really tell them, of my husband and children and then of God.  I realize that what I expect is too much or just wrong. I also expect too much of myself, to be perfect in every way.

I expect miracles from God , like He owes them to me. I have given up so much for Him, at least He can give the miracles I want, but instead I have to wait……. where is the miracle in that?

During this time of retreat I  heard them say on the online videos. “ Look at what you have, at what the people and God has given you already and not at what you think they should be giving you.”  This actually took met two days to sink in.  I had to release “my perfection” I needed to let go of my need to be in control and just let God be in control. I have been doing this for the past 7 years, but clearly is not there yet we my need to control everything around me is gone.  It’s about forgiveness and Grace…

So many conflict arise when you do not share the expectations you have, you keep it for yourself and then you get angry when they are not met. Even the expectations you have of yourself, you don’t always realize what it is, except if you really take the time to sit and find out what to you expect of yourself. Do you expect to be the Prov. 31 woman, living cross culturally and just fit in automatically in a new culture, be able to speak the new language in 3 months and homeschool your kids while finding your feet……. then just to be uprooted again and stay in another country for 5 weeks or longer…. and still think you need to be the perfect wife and mother and friend.

As I am sitting here, anxious about what the future holds for us, While hubby is off to see if our visa is ready so that we can return. I read the words again. Rom 12:1  “Embrace what the Lord has for us, it is the best thing you can do”

I need to learn to live here in the present, and not in the future when everything is like I want it to be. There is a here and a now. Although the baby we are trying to adopt is not with me right now, and it might take a while still…… Embrace it……Release “my will” and accept His will for me.

It is just amazing to have a community – one you don’t know personally but online, that has gone through everything we still need to go through but they are really open and share their deepest fears and show you that you are not alone. Thanks Velvet Ashes

Ok I have decided to post this blog.

I am again excited about what God is planning and will embrace it.

 

                     

 

 

  Not sure if this is true yet – but I am working on it!